The world has no shortage of first-date horror stories: From not knowing you had food stuck in your teeth the whole time, to bad breath and bad manners. But try to imagine the absolute worst-case scenario on a first meeting, and your mind will automatically go to a bodily function.
One woman on Twitter lived to tweet this type of tale.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712126522937745408
Everyone loves a good dating story. Everyone loves a good poop story. Combined, you have the makings of the perfect story.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712127018649960452
There’s absolutely no shame in going to a guy’s place on a first date. Her next move, however, felt a little more questionable.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712127365074296832
Any woman who has ever pooped at a man’s house—whether a stranger or serious relationship—has had the horrifying thought that the toilet could clog, leaving a floater for her suitor. But as they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712127578354663424
That’s really the only thing you can do, lest it turn into a scene from Along Came Polly. Or is it the only thing you can do?
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712128076587671553
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712128408969453568
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712128639136079872
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712128738889232384
Sometimes when I’m really sweaty and have no access to tissues, I’ll use receipts from the bottom of my bag. A girl’s gotta be resourceful.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712129180700418048
It’s probably tough to feel sexy and free when you’re mere feet away from your own excrement.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712129443569999872
It’s time for reinforcements.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712130072828907520
What she did next could be considered too risky by some. But once you’ve put poop in your purse, all bets are off.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712130693732630528
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712130922997542913
The universe smiled upon her.
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712131132712738816
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712132092872802304
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712132378681085952
The real lesson here (that anyone with even a hint of IBS would know) is this:
https://twitter.com/_blotty/status/712133058237964288
The New York Times Vows section couldn’t have scripted it any better.
Photo via Dean Hochman/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
