Several Proud Boys, including longtime leader Enrique Tarrio, are currently on trial for their alleged roles in the Capitol riot. Each faces years in prison for seditious conspiracy and other charges. They’ve pled not guilty.
The case against them is serious, but on Monday the trial afforded a moment of levity courtesy of a piece of evidence: a Proud Boys’ rulebook.
The undated rulebook, which was reportedly seized from defendant Dominic Pezzola’s residence, describes the far-right group’s philosophy and includes specifics on what to wear, how to conduct meetings, and when to masturbate. Yes, masturbate.
Under the heading “No wanks,” the rules decree that Proud Boys may only ejaculate by themselves once every 30 days. They are allowed to masturbate more often than that, so long as they are within one yard of a woman who has consented to the emission and is not a prostitute.
They’re cautioned that phone or video sex is not a suitable substitute.
“Men who are away from their wives for extended periods of time [have] requested video conferencing as a way around the one-yard rule,” the rules state. “This is not allowed.”
The document says that the “no wanks” rule is “our religion and our pope is the religion’s founder, Dante Nero.” Nero is a comedian and relationship guru who is not affiliated with the group.
Few details are left to chance—even clothing. Fedoras are banned and flip-flops and cargo shorts are strongly discouraged.
Only one thing is missing from the document: the secret handshake. This is apparently only because they couldn’t get it on paper.
“The secret handshake obviously can’t be printed out here,” it says.
The document also provides a script for meetings. The script includes a reading from The Death of the West by Pat Buchanan.
At the conclusion of Buchanan’s screed about slavery that describes “Western Man” as the “only hero,” the members say “uhuru!” and toast to entrepreneurs, housewives, free speech, guns, and veterans.
The itinerary includes a message for their enemies, described as “parasites both on the streets and in the White House” and “trespassers who want to sabotage our culture.” To them, the Proud Boys say, “Bring it on!”
The document also delves into the group’s initiation rituals, such as the previously reported and highly amusing rite of getting punched by five other members until one can name five breakfast cereals.
When the beating concludes, the newly minted second-degree Proud Boy is treated to a hug from the member who counted his cereals and everyone says “Proud of your boy” several times. They use this line almost as often as they say “uhuru,” a Swahili term for “freedom” that the group uses as something of a rallying cry.
Prosecutors trying to prove members of the group conspired to overthrow the government during the Capitol riot are likely to draw particular attention to one provision Gavin McInnes is credited with describing in his “10 Ways to Save America.”
“Shut down the government,” the last item says, “We have no respect for institutions that rob of us our hard-earned wages…. We may not be anarchists but we always want the government brought down to the absolute minimum.”
