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‘Toddlers tell you’: 20 women share what being ‘ugly’ feels like

‘You know why I can’t make you a bridesmaid, right?’

Photo of Anna Good

Anna Good

How do you know if you’re ugly as a woman? - askreddit roundup

In the r/AskReddit community, Redditor u/Turbulent-Leg-6246 asked, “How do you know if you’re ugly as a woman?” This inquiry has prompted over 2.7K comments detailing personal experiences and societal observations.

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Several Redditors shared their perspectives on signs of perceived unattractiveness. One Redditor noted that people might be more rude, making everything a bit harder than for those considered good-looking. Another comment highlighted that unattractive individuals might stand out in a crowd, attracting stares or comments, albeit less flattering ones. 

Psychological implications of perceived unattractiveness

Perceptions of physical unattractiveness can significantly impact mental health. Research indicates that individuals who rate themselves poorly on physical attractiveness are at an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Additionally, body dissatisfaction is a significant risk factor for low self-esteem, affecting various aspects of an individual’s life. 

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The concept of “pretty privilege” refers to the unearned advantages that society often grants to those deemed attractive. Attractive individuals frequently receive positive reinforcement, which can boost their self-esteem. Conversely, those who do not meet these standards may struggle with low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction. Furthermore, research has shown that attractiveness can significantly impact various aspects of life, including earnings and career advancement

Media representation and body image

Media plays a pivotal role in shaping beauty standards. The lack of body diversity on reality TV, for instance, reinforces negative body stereotypes and impacts mental health. Despite the average American woman being between a size 16 and 18, most reality TV stars are thin, leading to feelings of inadequacy among viewers. Additionally, the use of photo filters on social media can create unrealistic beauty standards, further exacerbating body image issues. 

Embracing diverse representations of beauty can help challenge these norms. For instance, the television show Ugly Betty provided an alternative representation of beauty, influencing viewers’ perceptions and highlighting the tensions surrounding societal definitions of attractiveness. An archived 1977 article from The New York Times highlights that being overweight was once considered a status symbol of wealth.

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The Reddit discussion initiated by u/Turbulent-Leg-6246 stresses the complexities surrounding perceptions of attractiveness. 

Below are 20 responses to the question of how you know if you’re ugly as a woman.

1.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'Toddlers tell you that you are ugly. Toddlers dont really lie or have proper sense of manners'
u/WasteNet2532 via Reddit
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2.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'If you think you might be an ugly woman, you're not. If you're actually an ugly woman, you'll know. People will remind you of it all the time.'
u/WasteNet2532 via Reddit

3.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, ' If you're in a group with a pretty girl, men will avoid looking at you or talking to you. They will be intentionally rude to let you know they think you're unattractive.'
u/Plane_Kale6963 via Reddit
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4.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'You know that supposedly universal female experience of being catcalled, having boys/men hit on you and refuse to take no for an answer, having boys/men make gross sexualizing comments or jokes about you, etc. Yeah, I never experienced any of that...'
u/queerfromthemadhouse via Reddit

5.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, ' Oh, you’ll know if you’re ugly. You’ll know before you’re able to speak because of how people look at you.'
u/queerfromthemadhouse via Reddit
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6.

“I became a wheelchair user a couple of years ago and gained a tonne of weight from it. I became completely invisible. Even cashiers, receptionists, hell even a plumber that came to the house completely ignore me even when I’m handing them money. I feel like I could roll out of a store with a stolen tv and get away with it. It’s mostly men under 40 that I’ve had issues with, but it really felt like I stopped being a person”—u/Sea-Tadpole-7158

7.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'The sad truth is 'pretty privilege' is a thing. Attractive people are almost always treated better than ugly people everywhere.'
u/Ganondorf-Dragmire via Reddit
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8.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'Men treat you as if you are annoying them with your presence. Also, people are less patient with you and just say mean shit for no reason. These are all from my personal experience.'
u/Ganondorf-Dragmire via Reddit

9.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'I noticed it when I'd go out with my friends. They would always catch guys staring at them, winking and turning around when passing. It became exhausting listening to all of them just talking about having multiple boys interested in them ngl'
u/fe4rlessness via Reddit
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10.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'When you can go to any gas station and not worry about getting hit on. Matter of fact, you can go anywhere and know that you will not get looked at twice. If you’re with attractive friends, there’s a good chance you will be straight up ignored/not acknowledged by guys trying to hit on your friends'
u/RedNoseMama via Reddit

11.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'When they draw clothes over your nudes and send them back'
u/RedNoseMama via Reddit
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12.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'No one talks to you even if you are friendly'
u/loulabelle20 via Reddit

13.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly.
u/loulabelle20 via Reddit
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14.

“I had two experiences similar to this: Once when I was in high school and my theater teacher omitted me from the all-girl number but gave me a microphone to sing into back stage since I was good at singing and the second was when a friend told me that she wanted me to be a bridesmaid but, ‘you know why I can’t make you a bridesmaid, right? I’ll have those photos forever.’”

“I think I’ve grown into my looks now that I’m in my thirties, but my childhood- twenties was a little rough.”—u/skinsnax

15.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'Make a TikTok saying 'why am I so ugly'. If the comments get mad at you, you’re prolly hot. If they say 'omg no ur not you’re so pretty!!!' then u might be ugly'
u/onkizzy403 via Reddit
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16.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'You get lots of compliments about your personality, or sense of humor, or how nice you are - but never anything about your looks.'
u/onkizzy403 via Reddit

17.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'When I was walking through a bar when I was in my early 30s, and I overheard a guy say to his friend some thing about my looks, I guess they were checking me out, and in response to him , his friend said she’s not THAT bad. I thought I looked pretty good that night too (shrug emoji)'
u/Comfortable-Owl-5929 via Reddit
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18.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'It’s like you’re wearing a cloak of invisibility. Ppl just don’t see you.'
u/Comfortable-Owl-5929 via Reddit

19.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, 'My first inkling was when everyone I knew in college was being used as models for photos and I was never asked to be in a photo lol '
u/Comfortable-Owl-5929 via Reddit
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20.

Reddit response to how women know they're ugly, text reads, ''If you’re good looking, people tell you all the time. If you’re ugly, you’ve got to figure that out for yourself.' - Dave Chappelle'
u/wh1teferrari0 via Reddit

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