'3 Pumps Daddy' Is the Worst Pregnancy Announcement Yet

It seems like pregnancy announcements that are heavy on the semen jokes are a big thing this year. We may have found the worst one yet—yes even worse than “the mommy is stuffed with a turkey and daddy is gravy” couples shirts. This announcement skips almost all of the cutesy euphemisms and dives straight into the point, giving a “recipe for baby” that features “1 cup mommy” and “3 pumps daddy” to be “mixed with love” and “baked until July.”

'imagine using your baby announcement to tell the world your husband is bad at sex' a white couple kissing in soft focus behind a sign that says 'Recipe For Baby. 1 Cup Mommy. 3 Pumps Daddy. Mix With Love. Bake Until July.' — @TessaJeanMiller

Found by Twitter user @TessaJeanMiller, who mercifully cropped any identifying features of the couple out of the image, the photograph involves a coffee shop-style recipe board and the couple kissing in soft focus in the background, with flour handprints making a heart on the mother-to-be’s stomach.

ARE THEY MAKING A CAKE, A LATTE, OR A BABY, I CAN'T TELL — @TessaJeanMiller

'me after realising this was almost certainly a play on the already disgusting phrase 'baby batter' painting of a 18th century noble woman reading a book with a horrified expression — @wildalter

'They really want to believe their jizz is equal to the amount of work that goes into actual gestation. Like a little kid who lifted a shoebox during a move and proudly saying 'I helped! Look at what I can do!' Sure you did, little buddy.' gif of Phoebe from Friends patting Joe on the head — @wildalter

Most of the responses were sheer horror, with a side order of exhaustion. One Twitter user pled: “OK can we just all agree that a baby announcement doesn’t need to involve any reference, no matter how cutesy, to jizz. We all know how it got there.”

Ok can we just all agree a baby announcement doesn’t need to involve any reference, no matter how cutesy, to jizz. We all know how it got there. — @MegNumbers

@MikeSMcNair like those T-shirt’s lol “I’m full of cum” — @MegNumbers

There was a time when I would've assumed this is a joke. After experiencing weeks of choking on smoke from the gender reveal fire, that time has passed — @LarzenB

For some, however, the announcement also raised questions, no matter how badly they really didn’t want to know the answer. For example, do the three pumps refer to the amount of semen produced or how long it took for “Daddy” to ejaculate?

I am genuinely not sure if they are advertising how quickly he ejaculated or how many squirts of semen he produced I don't know which I want it to be less — @LarzenB

'It depends upon how you define 'pump' in this context. If you think about the language of a food recipe, it makes really good sense (and if anything, is flattering of Daddy's output.)' photograph of a Monin pump action caramel syrup bottle — @DocSnoe

I took it that he's a three pump chump — @DocSnoe

She’s definitely saying he’s got 3 squirts in him when he dumped his clip. — @DocSnoe

And how exactly was the rolling pin involved? One Twitter user stepped in to provide a very important safety lesson for the folks at home—if it doesn’t have a flared base it needs to stay far, far away.

oh god how was the rolling pin involved — @gray

that rolling pin does NOT have a flared base — @gray

Thank you for promoting safer (or at least less humiliating and costly insofar as ER visits to remove objects) sex. — @gray

The by-now-ritualistic call and response of queer people asking if the straights were OK, and straight people assuring them they were not, also popped up in the replies.

cishet people need to stop everything they do and re-evaluate their entire life because jfc this is disgusting — @_flamang0

Much in the way I wish I didn’t have to take responsibility for white women voters, I don’t want to take responsibility for this straight couple mess. And yet someone has to. — @_flamang0

But all in all, even most straight people witnessing this were begging other straight people to stop.

What happened to the days when you didn’t send an inane announcement, or burn down California, but just told your family at the next family gathering...smh — @coinoperated444

I get we're boring, but we picked up the phone and called people to tell them both times we had a child on the way. It was lovely to hear their excitement. — @coinoperated444

I mean, we all know where babies come from, and congratulations to the happy parents-to-be, but this is tacky — @amanda_pompili

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‘3 Pumps Daddy’ is the worst pregnancy announcement yet

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Siobhan Ball