It’s previously been established that the men featured in Reddit’s relationship advice sub are the worst, but the man featured in a now-deleted post has managed to take being awful in a truly innovative direction.
“My (25m) bf had angered crows and magpies and now they’re defecating on my car,” reads the title of a post by former user TheEarthquakeLady.
The body of the post, archived by the Twitter account @redditships, tells the story of how the user’s boyfriend managed to upset the birds:
Long story short, my boyfriend managed to anger the local bird population by throwing stuff at them and killing two of their kind. This has caused a lot of tension between me and my boyfriend as they started to swarm and attack us, shit on our car, and be extremely loud in the morning.
My (25m) bf had angered crows and magpies and now they’re defecating on my car https://t.co/eHQcqZAR9G pic.twitter.com/qE4PNx9kaA
— relationships.bsky.social (@redditships) August 10, 2019
For some strange and unspecified reason, the user’s boyfriend likes to throw things at birds, and apparently with such force and accuracy that he’s managed to kill two of them. Unfortunately for him, he’s picked the wrong species to harass as corvids, a family that includes both magpies and crows, are renowned not just for being intelligent but also remarkably vengeful. Crows can not only recognize human faces but are able to identify dangerous or enemy humans to other crows even in that person’s absence, and will do so to all other crows within a large geographical radius. Magpies, meanwhile, are well-known for the fearless rage and tendency to attack human beings who are just going about minding their own business, and they will hold grudges for generations.
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inrelationship_advice
https://twitter.com/mpk/status/1160245081514942465
People were overwhelmingly focused on how this wasn’t a post asking for advice on breaking up with the man.
So this isnt about how to get out of a relationship with someone who murders small animals for fun, aka the early signs of a serial killer
— Erica Henderson (@EricaFails) August 10, 2019
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inrelationship_advice
nature itself is telling you to dump your boyfriend and you still have the need to ask people on reddit
— Danger!? Normal Slug (@BESUTOGUL) August 10, 2019
https://twitter.com/ImZaneSinclair/status/1160248537231364098
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inrelationship_advice
Listen to the crows. Throw the whole boyfriend away.
— The Kelpie of Killeigh (@nvulnerabletide) August 10, 2019
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inrelationship_advice
https://twitter.com/visforvan/status/1160268929127931906
Some of the suggestions went a bit far.
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inrelationship_advice
Like most r/relationships posts, this is a problem that can only be resolved by murdering your boyfriend and feeding him to a flock of vengeful birds.
— Slightly smaller, much uglier frogs (@KingMe50749634) August 11, 2019
Sacrifice him. I don’t make the rules. Just straight up Midsommar this thing.
— Kimberly Anne, Sd Bch 🥀 (@QuirKAnneSnark) August 10, 2019
https://twitter.com/BabblingBunny/status/1160247491188514816
And others were less than helpful.
https://twitter.com/Andrew_3000/status/1160244417539772416
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODS
— Chairman Birb Bernanke (@Bonecondor) August 10, 2019
https://twitter.com/exfatalist/status/1160244738043318272
One helpful redditor even went ahead and fixed her post for her, with the title “My (25m) bf is a psychopath who kills crows and magpies and now they’re defecating on my car.”
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inrelationship_advice
In all seriousness, hurting animals is a big red flag for future domestic violence as well as other violent crimes. Hopefully, OP will leave him and find a safer situation.
https://twitter.com/parrhizzia/status/1160268820054888448
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