The 5 stages of the new Daft Punk

I’ve been going through them for months now. Recognize any of these emotions in yourself?

1. DENIAL

Nope nope nope. This is NOT going to be like when Alive 2007 owned the end of my 2007 and all of my 2008 and parts of my 2009. I’ll just watch this YouTube clip of the combined SNL promos one. more. time. [Repeat dozens of times]

2. ANGER

Woooooooah-kay, that Soundcloud file is NOT the actual full version of “Get Lucky.” I’m going to savage this latest faker in an Internet comment section. That busywork makes the waiting easier, right? [Repeat dozens of times]

3. BARGAINING

Spotify has “Get Lucky” and I am NOT hesitating to pay for the premium version. That way I can hear the song on an endless ad-free loop, and make that spending worthwhile with loads of other new music once I get sick of Daft Punk. [never get sick of Daft Punk]

4. DEPRESSION

Thomas and Guy-Manuel are NOT being withholding. I’m just not strong enough to handle their random way of releasing material and it’s literally* killing me. [watches North America bloom into spring from behind a laptop indoors]

*not literally

5. ACCEPTANCE

Wow, the Random Access Memories iTunes stream is so good it brought about mass enlightenment and world peace and the Singularity! [goes to job at robot factory, cybers with superintelligent transhuman, cannot sleep]

By Alex Schmidt