A woman is sparking controversy online by saying that location sharing in relationships isn’t controlling behavior. Is she in the right or the wrong?
TikTok user Myla (@mylaschulz120) posted a slideshow with her dating advice on Thursday, and it has since amassed 1.1 million views. In other videos posted to her page, Myla discusses her social life and relationship with her boyfriend, who is a baseball player.
In the slideshow, Myla discusses the concept of control and insecurity in relationships. Each slide contains a selfie of Myla accompanied by a quotation. The first slide reads: “My boyfriend is so controlling and insecure.”
In the second slide, Myla responds to that sentiment, which is presumably something she’s heard from women in her social circle. “Him not wanting you to post yourself with barley [sic] any clothes on is not controlling,” Myla writes.
Is location sharing ‘controlling’ relationship behavior?
Myla continues on the third slide. “Him not wanting you to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy is not controlling,” she writes. In the fourth slide, she writes, “Him asking you to keep him updated on what you’re doing and who you’re with is not controlling.”
In the next slide, Myla addresses Snapchat in relationships. “Him not wanting you snapping other guys and having them on your [best friends list] is not controlling,” Myla says.
What about when partners ask you to block ex romantic interests? That’s OK, too, according to Myla. If your boyfriend asks to know what you’re doing before you do it? “Not controlling,” says Myla.
Of course, you can imagine how Myla feels about location sharing. “Him asking you to share your location is not controlling,” she insists.
“He’s not being controlling or insecure,” Myla writes over the next few slides. “If you can’t be with a man who cares and wants to trust his girl, don’t be in a relationship. Show him the same respect you want him to treat you with. If you respect him and his boundaries, there is no reason to feel controlled by him.”
Viewers weigh in
This message appears to resonate with many of the men in the comments section of the video.
“Someone finally understands where we come from,” wrote one viewer.
“Where are these girls at,” wrote a second viewer.
“Finally a woman that understands,” wrote a third viewer. “It’s all respect.”
However, not everyone agrees this is a healthy relationship philosophy. “All these things are not part of a healthy relationship—no matter how people are trying to justify it,” one viewer wrote.
A second viewer agreed. “Many of these are controlling and insecure actually!”
Another viewer appeared more concerned with their own personal life. “He reposted, but yet he’s the one that can’t do anything for me,” they wrote.
What qualifies as controlling behavior in relationships?
According to Psychology Today, controlling romantic partners are often acting out a deep sense of vulnerability, but that doesn’t mean the behavior is acceptable. “Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners,” the article states. “Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation.”
The article lists 20 signs of a controlling partner to be on the lookout for:
- Isolating you from your family and friends
- Criticizing everything you do
- Threatening you or themselves
- Making their acceptance of you conditional on certain behaviors or qualities
- Maintaining a scorecard of grudges and favors
- Guilting you into doing certain things or feeling a certain way
- Love bombing you with excessive gifts and gestures
- Excessive jealousy/accusing you of cheating
- Spying on you or requiring excessive updates about what you’re doing
- Not allowing you alone time
- Asking you to “earn” their trust
- Presuming you’re guilty until you prove your innocence
- Constant arguing so you’ll give up
- Belittling you for your values and beliefs
- Telling you that you aren’t worthy of them
- Ridiculing you
- Upsetting sexual interactions
- Unwillingness to hear your side of arguments or problems
- Influencing you into unhealthy behaviors and habits like substance abuse
- Sabotaging your professional or educational goals
The Daily Dot reached out to Myla via TikTok comment.
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