In an insecure relationship, it can be hard to recognize the signs of cheating.
One relationship expert has taken to social media to lay out five signs that a partner is being unfaithful, even using nearly undetectable means.
In a video that has drawn over 645,000 views on TikTok, content creator @beyondthebruise describes five ways a partner can covertly cheat on their significant other.
“Spoiler alert: Silent cheating is still cheating,” she says at the start of the video. “You won’t find evidence, you won’t see texts, but you know that something is going on. That’s how silent cheating works. Now, granted, this isn’t just exclusive to narcissists, but if you’ve ever dated one, you know how common this is so let’s break down some of the ways that you might see silent cheating in your relationship.”
The 5 signs of ‘silent cheating’
In the two-and-a-half minute video, @beyondthebruise describes five specific signs she would find concerning in a relationship:
- “No. 1: They’re always toeing that line of flirting, without actually crossing it.”
- “They might engage with certain people, like, comment, follow people that make you uncomfortable, but not outright enough for you to call it cheating,” she says. “It’s so confusing. They have these overly friendly comments, inside jokes, these just barely there physical touches, and if you bring it up they will brush it off. ‘Relax, I was just being nice,’ or, ‘You know we’re just friends, we’re just co-workers,’ but you know deep down something’s off.”
- “No. 2: They might keep their options open without technically cheating.”
- “Let’s say they have an ex that they’re ‘just friends’ with, but they talk all the time,” she says. “This is their way of keeping somebody in their life who clearly has romantic interest in them and it’s like they’re always keeping a backup plan just in case.”
- “No. 3: Are they building emotional intimacy with somebody else?”
- “Are they confiding in someone about things that they should discussing with you?” she asks. “Are they turning to this person for validation, for comfort, for connection, but claiming that it’s nothing? It might not be physical, but it still leaves you feeling like you’re being emotionally replaced? That’s silent cheating.”
- “No. 4: I feel like we’ve all been in this one. This person is acting very suspicious with their phone, right.”
- “They’re turning their screen away when they’re texting, or they’re suddenly exiting out of apps when you walk by,” she says. “You might notice certain contacts or messages mysteriously disappearing, and if you ask who they’re talking to, they might get weirdly defensive, like ‘Why do you even care?’ or ‘Just a friend,’ or ‘It’s nothing.’ That’s weird.”
- “No. 5: I think it’s one of the most important. Instead of reassuring you, they get defensive when you bring up their concerns, they flip it on you.”
- “‘Wow, so you don’t trust me’ or ‘You’re just paranoid.’ A lot of the times they never actually deny it, they just make you feel very guilty for even asking. Silent cheating is still cheating. If they have to hide it, if they have to deny it, if they gaslight you when you bring it up, it’s a problem. Real love does not make you feel replaceable.”
The Daily Dot has reached out to @beyondthebruise via TikTok direct message regarding the video.
Is this a real thing?
Also known as “micro cheating,” the strategies described by @beyondthebruise are acts of dishonesty in relationships, even if some people might not consider it to be outright cheating on their partner.
What is micro cheating?
According to Choosing Therapy, micro cheating is a pattern of behaviors that occur outside of an exclusive relationship, and are often unintentional. The primary difference between true cheating behaviors is often intent and severity, as it does not usually include the physical components of true cheating behaviors.
Viewers weigh in on silent cheating
Several viewers commented on @beyondthebruise’s video that they find the behaviors she described to fit their idea of cheating in a relationship.
“If you’re doing something with someone that you know will upset or hurt your partner or you would hide it from them then you’re cheating,” one commenter wrote. “‘Silent cheating’ is cheating. Different people have different relationship boundaries. So cheating to some won’t be cheating to others. Some people aren’t compatible even if they love each other. Just break up.”
“If your behavior/actions impact your relationship negatively, meaning connection is starved in lieu of connecting with other people, it’s just cheating,” another commenter wrote. “Not silent, not nothing. Plain ole cheating.”
@beyondthebruise silent cheating is still cheating? #narctok #BreakTheSilence #narcissist #DVAM ♬ original sound – M 
“Cheating is cheating, regardless of whatever other categories you want to put it under,” a commenter wrote. “Anything that your partner is not aware of, or that you are hiding… is cheating.”
Some viewers even shared that they had left romantic partners over this kind of behavior.
“So glad I am single and sleeping peacefully and no more worries about his damm phone,” one commenter wrote. “The best feeling never gonna change this .”
“All of this was going on and I finally decided to leave a few days ago,” another commenter wrote. “It hurts because I still love him, but I love myself more and need to set myself free.”
“Privacy screen caught him cheating through his Apple Watch,” a commenter wrote.
In the end, what matters most is finding boundaries that work for you and clearly communicating them to your partner.
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