TikTok creator @beyondthebruise ( M 
, or Marcela), a domestic violence advocate using her platform to share her experience in an abusive relationship to support others, shared a video on TikTok listing the 5 signs of silent cheating. The video was posted on March 14 and lists some of the ways you might see silent cheating, or micro-cheating, a term used by relationship experts to describe a set of subtle actions and behaviors that can erode trust in a monogamous partnership.
M told the Daily Dot she made the video to spread awareness. “I wanted to call out the behaviors that people try to justify, even though they know they’re crossing a line.”
With over 20K likes and almost 300 comments on TikTok, M added that she is glad the video resonated. “It was important to me to highlight the less obvious behaviors that can still break trust in a relationship.”
The strong affirmative response to M ’s list indicates that this hard-to-pin-down phenomenon is definitely a thing, and, as she makes clear at the top of her video, “Spoiler alert: silent cheating is still cheating.”
What is micro-cheating, or silent cheating?
- “They’re always toeing that line of flirting, without actually crossing it.” Maybe your partner is following and talking to people on social media who make you uncomfortable. They might have inside jokes or “barely-there” intimate exchanges with someone they convince you they aren’t close with. “…and it’s so confusing,” she says.
- They keep their options open. Maybe it’s not technically cheating, but they have an ex who they stay close friends with, without letting you in on the relationship. Why would they be keeping someone in their life who clearly has a romantic interest in them? M says, “It’s like, they’re always keeping a backup plan, just in case.”
- You sense that your partner is developing emotional intimacy with someone else, in a way that excludes you. It can feel like you are being replaced when they confide in someone, talking to them about things they could be talking to you about, or turning to someone else for the validation and comfort you could be providing for them.
- This step covers the suspicious phone behaviors we’re all familiar with: they turn their phone away while texting, or they’re caught quickly closing an app. Maybe you notice contacts or messages mysteriously disappearing as your partner tries to clean up evidence, and of course— when you ask about it, they tell you you’re imagining things, “It’s nothing!”
- They get defensive, and maybe call you paranoid, flipping the script to place the blame back on you to make you feel guilty for even asking. “You just don’t trust me,” @beyondthebruise quotes a hypothetical cheater. She adds that, curiously, the cheater might not deny accusations. In other words, they know what they’re doing. The performance of innocence is meant to distract from the accusation they are doing something wrong.
@beyondthebruise silent cheating is still cheating? #narctok #BreakTheSilence #narcissist #DVAM ♬ original sound – M
Why it resonates
Commenters on TikTok responded to the post in agreement, widely affirming recognition of these behaviors. Whether you call it silent cheating, micro-cheating, or ‘having an emotional affair’, the behavior represents a breach of trust and is, simply— cheating. Others reiterated the signs, sharing their experiences with the toxic behavior and how it made them feel.
‘That’s the scariest part bc you’ll never find evidence’ read one comment.
The video is resonating with people on TikTok who have had such experiences in toxic relationships. One commenter said it plainly, ‘I feel validated by this.’
Others voiced agreement by responding with their own stories of leaving toxic relationships in response to alienation caused by silent cheating behaviors. ‘All of this was going on and I finally decided to leave a few days ago. It hurts because I still love him, but I love myself more and need to set myself free,’ was shared by TikTok user @emily_s0318.
Reactions across social media differ
M ’s list was reposted on X by @josh_uglyasf (Dr. God Abeg ooo), a mental health counselor specializing in childhood trauma, where it has 126.6K views, 74 comments, 1.5K likes, and has inspired an entirely different conversation.
X users commenting on @josh_uglyasf‘s repost responded with less understanding for partners with ongoing fear of silent cheating in their relationships. Many dismissed the perception of micro-cheating as paranoid, neurotic, or overly insecure.
@LisaNickelson4 said, ‘It’s exhausting to be this paranoid.’ ‘Sounds neurotic,’ commented user @clevebarb, and user @Bobbert69572732 responded ‘This is the definition of insecurity.’
User @U_cutz suggested that the accusation of micro-cheating is the actual problem:
In her comment to the Daily Dot, M addressed the fact that many may doubt that silent cheating is actual cheating.
“A lot of people think cheating only counts when it’s physical,” she said, “but the truth is, betrayal can happen in silence too.”
Experts say micro-cheating could be difficult to define and identify
According to Technopedia via PR Newswire, the US has the most cheaters worldwide. 71% of people surveyed admitted to cheating. The data showed that 31% of affairs happen between coworkers.
It was also revealed that the definition of cheating varies from person to person. Typically the ultimate form of cheating is considered to be physical infidelity or intercourse, but in a 2017 survey conducted by Superdrug, 18.6% of European men, 14.4% of European women, and 3% of American men claimed to not consider intercourse to be cheating.
When it comes to silent or micro-cheating, 43.5% of American women consider a less overtly intimate activity, like going out as friends, to be a form of cheating. According to Psychology Today, criteria for micro-cheating differs from relationship to relationship. Because of this, the behavior can be difficult to define and identify, making it a difficult issue for couples to confront and discuss.
Experts assert that micro-cheating is a normal behavior both within and outside of relationships. The key to finding common ground in a partnership is to have clearly defined and agreed upon expectations and boundaries. When suspicions of micro-cheating arise, couples should aim to approach the issue with an open mind. The inability to have a mature conversation about what’s going on in a relationship could be a red flag.
What can I do if I think my partner is micro-cheating?
Here are some tips:
Prevent the possibility of misunderstanding. Get ahead of micro-cheating by establishing clear boundaries. For example, is it okay for me to follow my ex on social media? It’s important to understand that it’s normal for people to enter into relationships with different expectations. Having conversations about what is and isn’t okay at the start of a relationship and as the relationship develops can foster understanding before things become more confusing.
Take time with your feelings. It’s easy to fly off the handle and have an emotional reaction the second you feel threatened by betrayal. Often it’s wise to take a beat and remember how you’ve felt in other moments with your partner. How much information actually supports the feeling that your partner is deceitful and disinterested? Getting a little bit of perspective can calm emotions and help see a situation more clearly.
Avoid stalking your SO on social media. Although it can be tempting to get answers, surveillance usually isn’t the move. Monitoring your partner’s phone or social accounts can lead to further deterioration of trust in the relationship. If you are having feelings, let them know directly.
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