Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate the things you’re grateful for while unfortunately reinforcing a white supremacist narrative of American history. Because on the DL, the holiday more or less celebrates the genocide of the Native American people.
Thanksgiving is also a time to argue with shitty family members who support Donald Trump and hate gay people, overeat to the point of hating yourself, and send regrettable drunk texts to your high school ex who’s back home for the long weekend with his new wife.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
As the world’s leading authority on Twitter, I’m mostly grateful for Twitter this holiday season. Lately I’ve been meeting new lovers and making new friends off the site. It’s dope, and I’d highly recommend it.
Twitter is also responsible for at least half of my LOLs, so here I present to you, the top 14 Twitter accounts I am most grateful for—plus a sampling of their finest work.
1) Gabriella Paiella — @GMPaiella
https://twitter.com/GMPaiella/status/668878905231712257
https://twitter.com/GMPaiella/status/667458352352509953
https://twitter.com/GMPaiella/status/641713463639851008
2) Chris Scott — @iamchrisscott
Yo give it up for the stock market, a fake thing we created that periodically ruins everyone’s lives.
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) August 24, 2015
Would you marry your soulmate even if they were certain the Blair Witch Project was real & wouldnt change their mind
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) November 18, 2015
3) war on christmas — @muslamichoe
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/668095274095673344
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/653576744205742080
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/668107886590099456
4) darcie — @333333333433333
https://twitter.com/333333333433333/status/645511348164685824
https://twitter.com/333333333433333/status/610973266967175170
https://twitter.com/333333333433333/status/667336098553688065
5) Ella Cerón — @ellaceron
https://twitter.com/ellaceron/status/664648918924451840
https://twitter.com/ellaceron/status/665882759005630464
https://twitter.com/ellaceron/status/591240860743966720
6) Hannah Giorgis — @ethiopienne
https://twitter.com/ethiopienne/status/665950799177101312
https://twitter.com/ethiopienne/status/665641393948372992
7) Ayesha A. Siddiqi — @pushinghoops
please show some respect during this difficult time between birth and death
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) September 15, 2015
are you there God *airhorn* it’s ya girl
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) March 22, 2015
twitter isnt dead the novel isnt dead nothing is dead stop trying to make death happen
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) May 6, 2014
8) Barry ManiGLO — @YungCostanza
Jaden is kinda inspirational until you realize that if he had to live your life for a week his spirit would be broken by Tuesday
— yc (@yc) July 21, 2015
*hits the blunt* Big Sean and Ariana Grande way too little with them names tho
— yc (@yc) January 9, 2015
9) Jonny Sun — @jonnysun
*the one direction guyes break up*
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) August 24, 2015
so it is agreed. we wil go our separate ways. good bye.
*they all start walking in the same direction*
no
hey sory i just saw this mesage u sent last month even tho all my notifications make sounds and my phone is in my hand even when im sleeping
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) October 7, 2015
me: goodnight moon :)
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) October 21, 2014
moon: night<3
me: goodnight stars :)
moon: wtf
me: sry wrongnumber
moon: whos stars
moon: who is stars
moon: answer me
10) Jen Doll —@thisisjendoll
a big thing i look for in an exercise routine is for it to be over.
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) November 15, 2015
Dystopian novel in which someone must trade all their social media followers for just having a nice life.
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) October 25, 2015
just had the horrifying thought that if there was an apocalypse all the gifs would probably just keep moving for the rest of eternity.
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) December 3, 2014
11) patrick — @pattymo
12) treasure — @imteddybless
my whole life is like that bit at the end of the news when they pretend to talk to each other
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) April 17, 2013
if we’re texting u don’t have 2 tell me when ur going 2 sleep. it’s just 1 long conversation. we say hi @ the start & bye when 1 of us dies
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) May 5, 2015
why do men take selfies like they’re being held hostage & can only communicate through their eyes that something terrible is happening
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) August 5, 2015
13) weird al — @wutangcher
https://twitter.com/allstn/status/598136383098789888
https://twitter.com/allstn/status/569383607552184323
https://twitter.com/allstn/status/612872555494572032
14) alana levinson — @alanalevinson
https://twitter.com/alanalevinson/status/626518689051987968
https://twitter.com/alanalevinson/status/668876698872451073
Let’s all raise a glass to strangers who make the Internet seem worthwhile. And remember:
https://twitter.com/GMPaiella/status/669287571273424897
Photo via icoNYCa/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
