Some social media users seem to have decided coffee dates are for business meetings, not dates. Others fiercely disagree.
In a viral video, TikTok creator Tisia Xiare Vere Saffold shows text exchanges between herself and an alleged suitor asking her out on a coffee date.
“Let me show you how to redirect your way out of a low-budget experience,” she says.
@tisiaxvs A spray of my perfume costs more than a mocha chocha latte baby..
♬ original sound – Tisia
For her, coffee dates aren’t equitable, she says in the video, as she doesn’t drink coffee. She also adds that a spray of her perfume costs more than a “mocha chocha latte” in the caption.
In the video, the creator talks about how she took a page out of corporate America’s book and used the sandwich effect to her benefit.
The sandwich approach, as defined in the Harvard Business Review, is a strategy that aims to influence others by sandwiching negative feedback between two pieces of positive feedback, eliciting a more positive response from the other party.
Users applauded the creator’s approach in asking for what she wanted out of the date.
“My jaw is on the floor. That was MASTERFUL,” one commenter wrote.
@LeArielleSimone reposted the video to X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, with the caption “this was so elite, masterful and intentional.”
The video gathered 5.6 million views and promptly sparked a debate about modern dating.
“Dating discourse literally makes me itch,” a quote tweet reads.
Some defended coffee dates. One person tweeted that they’re “a chance to talk and see if you even want to continue to a more intimate setting.”
“Coffee on the 1st date is perfect for me… low budget with my time and his money,” a TikTok user commented.
Others applauded Tisia for being direct.
“Everybody can be mad but she communicated her desires and ultimately got what she wanted,” a user X said in a quote tweet.
Some users have criticized the creator for posting private conversations online.
“There’s nothing ‘elite, masterful and intentional’ about posting private conversations in public forums for engagement. your dates didn’t consent to be used for content and we need to stop acting like this is okay,” a quote tweet reads.
The video is one of many that have caused discourse on dating standards for women. Social media users have brought to light the unequal efforts and expenses that men and women put into dating.
Some users have highlighted how women often spend money on makeup, nails, and clothes before dates, an expense men typically don’t have.
Others focus on the chivalry aspect of dating, stating that coffee dates are too low effort for their dating preferences.
“Me personally, i wouldn’t even respond to a man who would even think to suggest coffee date,” a TikTok user commented on Tisia’s video. “Just find another one who’ll suggest dinner.”
