A viral TikTok video of a man filming a new mom doing laundry only seven days after she had a baby sparked dialogue about women’s invisible labor.
“Can you believe she had a baby seven days ago? Oh my god, you look great,” says the man filming the video.
“Can you believe I had a baby seven days ago and I’m the one who’s doing the laundry?” the woman replied.
“You look like shit, take it back,” the man said, retracting his compliment and insulting her appearance in what seemed intended as a joke.
When the original video was posted, the woman reassured commenters that she was fine and wanted to do the chores.
Using the video as an example, Laura Danger, a certified educator and life coach, said that men should be more proactive in assuming household responsibilities so their partners can comfortably focus on recovering from sickness or childbirth.
“In many cishet [cisgender, heterosexual] households, women are carrying more of the mental load,” Danger explained in her video, which garnered 2.9 million views as of Monday. “They are anticipating what needs to be done.”
@thatdarnchat Im curious what you all think about that commentary from the camera person. ?
♬ original sound – Laura Danger
Mothers take charge of most household chores and caregiving, which can harm their well-being, according to a study from the Sex Roles journal in 2019. This is especially true when the division of household labor is unequal, Danger said.
“Sitting idly by can cause more stress than just getting up and doing [the chores],” Danger said.
Women in the comments of Danger’s video shared similar experiences they’ve had with their own partners.
“I was never allowed downtime. Spent years feeling guilty for [resting],” said one commenter who is now a single mom.
“I was two weeks postpartum recovering from stitches, and my husband said I was lazy [because] the house was dirty. He made the mess,” another user said.
To properly care for one’s partner in recovery, Danger advised viewers to be perceptive of their family’s needs and “take full responsibility” for completing household tasks leading up to childbirth, not just being available during or after.
“Supporting your partner in their healing means being reliable and navigating the mental load so that they can truly rest,” she said.
