Since being dubbed the “pharma douche,” Martin Shkreli has reveled in his villain status. He bought up the lone copy of the Wu-Tang album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, hiked the price of a vital toxoplasmosis medication, and—worst of all—admitted to killing Harambe.
The disgraced former Turin Pharmaceuticals CEO has an ambitious plan to redeem himself, however.
Ya’ll want Harambe back so bad, I’ll genetically engineer his ass and shoot em AGAIN. put that on everything.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
Okay, fine, you guys want me to use my powers for good instead of evil? Prepare for the resurrection of Harambe. pic.twitter.com/qTeFRq4TdX
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
We will get there. Bit by bit we will bring Harambe back. #bringharambeback pic.twitter.com/BTwkqNWPNm
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
Just when you thought whipping your dick out or dedicating a football season was the peak of Harambe activism, Shkreli steps in. Enlisting the help of armchair scientists as well as anyone still grieving the passing of Harambe, the “pharma douche” has made it his mission du jour to resurrect the ape.
You wanna bring Him/Harambe back? Get off your ass and do some research: https://t.co/x4hMNBezFf
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
I will assemble a global team of the world’s best genetic and biologic engineers to achieve this goal. He will return.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
If you’re an expert in mesenchymal stem cells please reach to me about a new project. Specifically if you have repopulated dead tissue.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
Stop making jokes and do some damn research. I can’t bring him back alone. Go here and report back what you find: https://t.co/TQswJEdtJQ
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 6, 2016
Of course, Shkreli can’t do it without a bit of fundraising. The MSMB Capital Management co-founder, who’s currently under investigation for securities fraud, conducted two polls to determine just how much Harambe activists would be willing to spend to bring back the beloved gorilla.
The internet was willing to put up over $1 gorillian and give pharmaceutical price-hiking the OK—all in the name of Harambe. A chance to reconnect with the ape who died at the hands of Cincinnati Zoo employees apparently takes top priority over saving the lives of actual, still living humans.
This convoluted redemption tale from Harambe hatred to heroism has been anything but linear. In a flurry of tweets, Shkreli went from wanting a full resurrection to instead embracing his true identity: that of a half-man, half-gorilla.
Will you accept, in lieu of the resurrection of Harambe, myself turning into a half-man half-Harambe/Gorilla? With his DNA. It’s just easier
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
Imagine a Shkreli brain in a Harambe body. The possibilities are endless.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
I’ve felt like a gorilla most of my life. This transformation will bring out the real me.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
It begins. I give you… Shkarambe pic.twitter.com/b3Rd6Fg8un
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
Naturally, fans of the shit-talker were here for it, memes in hand.
https://twitter.com/austinwarrd/status/762189020835131392
Shkreli is pressuring the Cincinnati Zoo to release Harambe’s entire exome sequence. His reasoning points less to a vanity project and more toward a global movement.
I don’t need his physical DNA, just the sequence. With that… I can make any of you half-Harambe…
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
Is this the future of human evolution, to join forces with the world’s most beloved fallen silverback? I reached out to Shkreli to gain a glimpse of the mastermind’s great ape plan and am awaiting a response.
In the meantime, Shkreli is already planning a Shkarambe presidential run featuring Twitter troll Milo Yiannopoulos riding atop a resurrected Harambe as the RNC chooses its 2020 candidate. Oh, and he wants to dump one of his “girlfriends” who can’t get down with a half-man, half-gorilla partner.
New currency once I win in 2020. pic.twitter.com/cjnIqNzgR9
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
One gf told me she wouldnt sleep with me post-Harambe merger of equals as “it would be beastiality”. Bye bish.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
Milo will ride resurrected Harambe, his mighty steed, back into Twitter and RNC 2020.
— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@MartinShkreli) August 7, 2016
What a time to be alive.
