Remember that time you were at Thanksgiving dinner and suggested “Hey gang, how about next year we try and do an all vegan meal?” Your family all dropped their forks and stared at you, and you quickly said, “Never mind, never mind, forget I said anything, this never happened!” Remember?
Well, that’s exactly how AMC feels after they oh-so-briefly mentioned the brilliant idea of allowing texting in their theaters.
NO TEXTING AT AMC. Won’t happen. You spoke. We listened. Quickly, that idea has been sent to the cutting room floor. pic.twitter.com/JR0fo5megR
— AMC Theatres (@AMCTheatres) April 15, 2016
AMC’s new CEO, Adam Aron, mentioned the idea in an interview with Variety on Wednesday, and people quickly tore it to shreds.
https://twitter.com/PoliticoPaul/status/720838464539766784
You’re like sh*tty parents letting spoiled bratty kids do what they want. #AMC #LongLiveTheAlamo
— Korey Coleman (@Kcoolman) April 15, 2016
@CEOAdam I hope #AMC is exploring theaters where guests can dump sodas out on each other too.
— Socialist Distancer (@VideoMilitia) April 14, 2016
Now there’s an idea. Surely, though, if texting is on the table, there are a few other improvements certain patrons would like to see. How about:
Spoiler Zone
Already seen the movie and really want to ruin it for everyone else? Why not sit in a section with some like-minded peers and yell to your hearts content?
Half-price tickets for anyone in a stovepipe hat
Self-explanatory.
Post-screening Q&A for people who didn’t read the book (or see the first movie)
Sure, it’ll be pretty embarrassing to stay behind for this, but not nearly as embarrassing as your Tinder match calling you out for not realizing which parts they added into Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for the screen.
Handjob Section
You’ve been dating long enough now that things are starting to get a little boring in the ol’ bedroom. How better to spice it then by taking your act on the road?
Instant replay speakers
Instead of leaning over to your friend to whisper “What’d that guy just say?” you can hit a button on your armrest and replay the last few line of dialogue at top volume. Much easier.
Smug-looking wax replicas of M. Night Shyamalan
Even if he didn’t make the terrible garbage film you just suffered through for two and a half hours, it’ll feel great to kick him in the balls on your way out.
Fart Center
If you’re gonna do it anyway, let’s get you all in the same place.
