Look. I don’t want to point any fingers here, but Obama took office and then everything went to hell in a handbasket. Ergo, Obama is clearly responsible for everything that’s going wrong in this country, from the chip in my windscreen to the economy. Don’t just trust me: The whole country is starting to agree that when it comes to assigning blame, look to Obama first.
1. ISIS
If you haven’t heard of ISIS yet, they’re a fundamentalist Muslim group that wants to establish an Islamic Caliphate in the Middle East, by any means possible. They’re moving quickly across Iraq and Syria, taking advantage of the instability in both nations, and, by the way, ISIS is totally Obama’s fault. Why? Because he didn’t push for a larger presence of U.S. forces in Iraq during the 2012 Status of Forces agreement with Maliki’s government, and therefore, there are no boots on the ground to repel ISIS militia members. Trust me, the architects of the Iraq war know what they’re talking about here—this is all Obama’s responsibility.
2. The Border, and Immigration in General
Under President Obama, the U.S. has experienced an immigration crisis—which is no way, of course, associated with draconian immigration laws passed by border states. If it wasn’t for Obama’s backwards immigration policies, everything at the border would be peachy keen.
3. The Economy
Look, everyone knows that economics takes place in a vacuum, and anything that took place before a President took office is irrelevant. The President is also the only one who shapes the economy, no matter what those silly people calling themselves “economists” tell you. That’s why Obama is definitely to blame for the economy’s tailspin, along with unemployment rates, high student debt, and our general financial woes.
4. Gas Prices
We all know that as Americans, it’s our god-given right to drive our glorious cars wherever we want (extra points for real Detroit steel). That means we need gas to run them, and I don’t think I need to tell you that gas prices are climbing, which is obviously the President’s fault, because he should be taking more control to reduce our misery at the pump. What does he think this is, Europe?
5. The Ukraine Crisis
Russia wouldn’t have been so aggressive during the Ukraine crisis if it weren’t for Obama. The Administration’s actions and policy decisions reflected, you know, general lack of commitment or something, unlike a Republican president, who would have charged right in there and gotten the job done.
Look at this. He’s too busy going on vacations and whatnot to govern, I mean, really. (Photo via US Army Africa.)
6. Benghazi
Well, Hillary gets some of the blame here, of course—but seriously, Obama. Surely you could have done something to prevent the loss of American lives in this horrific terrorist attack. What’s that, you say? Terrorists operate by surprising people and exploiting hard-to-control circumstances? Nonsense.
7. Unemployment
It’s not a coincidence that the President took office and people started having trouble finding work. Obviously, the Obama Administration is solely to blame for the job loss in this country, and it should be dedicated to churning out new job opportunities instead of, like, hosting state dinners or whatever.
8. The Deficit
National debt is a pressing issue, and a responsible President wouldn’t be getting us into more during a recession—or, as Josh Lyman would put it, a bagel. Not only is the President wasting scads of money on government activity, he’s also stubbornly refusing to fix the economy. You need to get back on track with the national debt, dude.
9. Katrina Response
I don’t care if Obama wasn’t President during Hurricane Katrina. He was thinking about it, and that’s good enough for me. If he hadn’t been sticking his little proboscis into government, the response to Katrina would have been orderly, smooth, and effective.
10. Government Gridlock
Everyone knows that Obama is too proud to work with anyone and collaborate on lawmaking projects. That’s why he’s to blame for endless Congressional gridlock, which could easily be resolved if the President would just knuckle down and get to work like everyone else.
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All I’m saying is that with a basis like this, you have the perfect target for dealing with your bad days. Late to work? Blame Obama! Did that kale in the fridge mold when you weren’t looking? OBAMA. Can’t find your lucky socks? Obama! Cat peed on your chair, again? Obama. The possibilities are endless!
Photo via deusexguy/DeviantArtf
This article was originally featured on xoJane and republished with permission.
